eyeballs horror

Tonight I feel, as if the walls are closing in around me, hard to breathe. I hate this feeling : / its how I felt everyday before the hospital, the brick in my throat and how from my chest cavity to my spleen its tight and hard to move. The back of my neck is killing me. Iapos;m falling into too much of the past tonight, I want to die right now. My coping skills arenapos;t working so well >.< I mean it all makes sense considering every fucking thing thats happened this week, but jesus this hurts. I know Iapos;m not going to relapse, but its so hard not to just go drink to be numb or drive the truck so fast and yank the wheel to the left and hard as i can without my seatbelt on. Bruce is dead, and I would willingly trade my life for his at any moment. I feel as if I am stuck in a transition period, which I am, but its taking so long to get where I need and want to be. I work hard everyday for the things I need to make happen, but the pay off is far ahead of me and its hard to wait. Iapos;m throughly dissatisfied with people, a lot of people. Were talking people who are close to people far beyond my pull. I know these trivial tribulations well pass with ease when they do but while Iapos;m waiting for them they burn deep and slow. Being nice is so hard. But I KNOW karma is a bitch and Iapos;m banking on a lot of good karma these days, its still just waiting that sucks.

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fair tuscarawas

La v�scera alojada en la zona izquierda de mi pecho y denominado coraz�n, se comport� entonces de una forma muy extra�a, latiendo primero desbocadamente, como si pretendiera imprimir su vaiv�n en relieve contra la superficie de mi paladar, y qued�ndose luego repentinamente quiero, como si los dos, mi coraz�n y yo, nos hubi�ramos muerto sin llegar a enterarnos siquiera. Indiferentes a nuestra agitaci�n, mis ojos le miraron como si ning�n otro objeto de este mundo pudiera jam�s llegar a saciarlos.�

�

Atlas de geograf�a humana, Almudena Grandes.

�

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capital expenditure decisions

So tonight was going to be one of those really great nights when you come home after a really fun time out together and have a few drinks and just enjoy the great relationship... Or not.

We came home, drinks in hand, its raining... Walking from the car to the garage the combination of the slippery concrete and rained on shoes is a bad one... The drinks fly into the air and hit the ground, as do my knees and feet, really hard might I add. My head was facing towards the ground, the tears welling up in my eyes, I know there is going to be a mark, my knees and feet were throbbing... But instead all I hear is my boyfriend standing behind me, laughing.

He laughed at my having fallen on the ground and then asked me if I was okay and attempted to help me up. I was angry. I pulled away and told him not to touch me. I picked myself, my pride and my pain up off the floor and walked in the bathroom to see about the damage. Not so bad as it felt, some blood on my feet from where it had scraped, bruised knees, sore but I think Im going to live, disappoint filled me from top to bottom over how my boyfriend laughed at my getting hurt.

His excuse, it looked like something that should have been on youtube.com and he thought it was so funny, until he realized I was really in pain, and he said he was sorry. My feelings were hurt and I was really embarrassed I think the second one fed into the first, but even still... Is it really okay to laugh at someone you love when they hurt themselves? That was the first time it had ever happened to me, and wow...

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dork one third

I have been around Starbucks some time and just within the past few days have I heard a couple requests for a
*ahem*
Jedi

Apparently, this is a venti coffe with 4 shots of esperesso.

So I ask the question,
what do you folks, across the country and world call coffee with espresso?
In the midwest Iapos;m pretty sure calling them a "red eye" (add one shot) and "black eye" (two shots) is most common. I have also heard the phrase "depth charge" (but Iapos;m pretty sure that a competative company) and "shot in the dark".
And- has ANYONE heard of a Jedi?
*shakes head*
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club reps tv series

For some reason i hurt my foot and its painful when i try to walk on it.

anyway, im still coughing..

i guess maybe i should explain why all my blogs have been slightly emo for the past day and a half?

well let me start with tuesday october 14th..
i got new phone minutes, and i called misha. And cuteness happened. But i got off the phone with him, and later on i called him again. And he was cute again, and tired lol.
and then later on tuesday night i called him and all was well. Until i said something, and he said something stupid that pissed me off. And i freaked out, i just lost it and started sobbing. Over the phone... He didnapos;t realize that i was crying at first. And when he talked he sounded so upset.. And he kept saying he was sorry and, i just couldnapos;t stop crying. I tried, but i couldnapos;t.


he sounded so sweet and caring and, i felt really bad for losing it like that.
i called him last night, and i shouldnapos;t have. I still canapos;t talk to him like i used to be able to. Because now he knows something that he didnapos;t know before.

i told him i loved him, i mean ive told him that before but i think he thought i meant like a friend.. A really good friend.
and a few years ago i told him that, but he thought that i was over it by now.

i mean just hearing his voice is painful.
he thought everything was okay between us. I thought so too.
i mean i can never talk to him the same way again

he just sounded so upset..
and that made me cry even harder.
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direct investment brazil

Holy crap� 30 days? Really?� Weapos;re getting married in 30 days
How do you have a Wedding run smoothly with a 12 week old baby?� We are going to find out
So much to do, running out of time to do it.
Almost everything is in order.� Mum is finishing off the table scatters weapos;ve paid for the venue.
Just need to finalise what music we want and get my Dress from the alterations lady.
Weapos;ve found a beautiful gown for Seven to wear - Caleb gets to dress up, why cant she?� Just have to wait for it to be made before we can get it.� The way she is growing I will be surprised if she fits into it.

We also still need to start making preparations for her Baptism on November 9, as well as my hens night on November 7.� Crikey we donapos;t do anything by halves do we?

Seven didnapos;t nod off until 1.15am last night/this morning.� It seems that this is her apos;awake timeapos; although I am not particularly impressed with this idea of hers.� Thankfully Trav was around to help me out and get her off to sleep.

I doubt much is going to get done today, although there is a pile of washing to be done.� Oh the joys of having a baby in the house

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Interesting.

Apparently, the clinic group wants a *trainer*, and not a *software trainer*. The difference being, apparently, that the software trainer is apos;Here is your set of instructions, now do it quick so we can get to the next group on timeapos;. The trainer focuses more on making sure the knowledge is put to good use.

Iapos;ve always considered myself a apos;trainerapos;, even though my jobs have been more apos;software trainerapos; oriented. So when the interviewer told me about this - that he was looking more for someone who had vision and leadership qualities rather than rote experience. I was interested. When he told me I seemed to exhibit these qualities simply from my resume, I was at once elated, and confused.

I didnapos;t have a lot of design experience - I had just gone through quite a few training sessions with companies. I did my own training programs with a couple of companies, but they were hardly professional.

Still, the gentleman seems quite interested in me - to the point where he suggested either a video conference (I donapos;t have a webcam), or flying me up to interview them. But first, he has to get in touch with my references.

After that, donapos;t know whatapos;s next or when, but at least itapos;s on a positive note. I still have tomorrow to find out whatapos;s happening with New Port Richey...

And tomorrow - I hope to feel well enough to work out again. Iapos;m feeling myself letting go... ("And Leonapos;s getting LAAAAARRRGER *pounce away*")

I never thought Iapos;d say this, but... Iapos;m finding I MISS working out...

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advanced inf installer pop up

I knew that this would happen eventually. You cannot run from yourself.
thought if i just kept busy, it would all go away. And that was the biggest mistake of all.

i am faced with precisely what i have been dreading for the longest time.



so here i am.
october.
leaves and rain falling.
and i am still waiting to hear his car pull up.

some things will never change.

i do not know where he is or what he is doing, but i wonder if he could hear the crack too.
we have killed something i never thought would die.
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adlogix removal

Hey guys, Shannon here. I need to call a hiatus for the next few days. Not that a few days matters, but hey...

Iapos;m headed to San Francisco this weekend to cheer some family and friends on while they run the marathon there. Iapos;m leaving Friday morning and wonapos;t be back until Sunday nightish...then considering I have work Monday morning, I donapos;t know when Iapos;ll get back to tags.

So, Iapos;ll be slow if not non existent this weekend because of the crazyness.

This effects Sara, Evey, Jupiter, Stitch, and Donna.


~Shannon



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