Tonight I feel, as if the walls are closing in around me, hard to breathe. I hate this feeling : / its how I felt everyday before the hospital, the brick in my throat and how from my chest cavity to my spleen its tight and hard to move. The back of my neck is killing me. Iapos;m falling into too much of the past tonight, I want to die right now. My coping skills arenapos;t working so well >.< I mean it all makes sense considering every fucking thing thats happened this week, but jesus this hurts. I know Iapos;m not going to relapse, but its so hard not to just go drink to be numb or drive the truck so fast and yank the wheel to the left and hard as i can without my seatbelt on. Bruce is dead, and I would willingly trade my life for his at any moment. I feel as if I am stuck in a transition period, which I am, but its taking so long to get where I need and want to be. I work hard everyday for the things I need to make happen, but the pay off is far ahead of me and its hard to wait. Iapos;m throughly dissatisfied with people, a lot of people. Were talking people who are close to people far beyond my pull. I know these trivial tribulations well pass with ease when they do but while Iapos;m waiting for them they burn deep and slow. Being nice is so hard. But I KNOW karma is a bitch and Iapos;m banking on a lot of good karma these days, its still just waiting that sucks.
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